Collaboration Blog

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When Wall Street's House of Cards Comes Crashing Down, Time to Rebuild on a Solid Foundation

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:13:00 +0000

Having ideas become real through building is a routine experience for architects, contractors, masons and others in the steel-and-concrete building business. They find this close-to-miraculous occurrence barely worth talking about. You dream it, you draw it, you build it, you move on to the next project.

Building, both literally and metaphorically, has held an important place in human development from early cave-people days. As humans, we have the power to build up or tear down theories, reputations, confidence, organizations, buildings, cities, or cultures. Almost everything we do falls in the building up or tearing down category.

After food, finding - or building - shelter is one of our most primal instincts. And as civilization evolved, building together was the source of community bonding and pride. The pyramids of Egypt, the Acropolis in Greece, and Cathedrals of the Roman Empire all required thousands of people building together over multiple decades, if not centuries, to complete.

Rene Descartes, the sixteenth century French philosopher associated with the Scientific Revolution and often cited as the Father of Philosophy as well as the Father of Mathematics, uses the building metaphor throughout his “Discourse on Method”. At the magical moment he questions everything he has known as “truth”, Descartes uses the building metaphor to explain how he is able to “deconstruct” the out-dated and dogmatic “foundation” of his formal educational experience, and on an “open plain” construct new theories based on the foundations of a “universal knowledge” of morality.

In “Metaphors We Live By”, contemporary linguist George Lakoff explains that knowledge is based on a system of metaphors, and the foundational metaphors influence how our “towers of knowledge” are constructed. Foundational metaphors are usually invisible, yet they have profound impact on our abilities to see beyond constraints. For example, the metaphor “time is money” is a foundational metaphor which impacts business culture. It made sense in the era of the assembly line. The metaphor “time is how we show what matters” creates a completely different context for creating common-sense work practices.

LEGO SERIOUS PLAY allows us to share our ideas in a symbolic, three-dimensional language which provides direct communication. After we build, we can experiment with a variety of metaphors until we find one that resonates with universal agreement. By building together, we give shape to our aspirations, construct fears and barriers to success, and collectively build and assign language to solid solutions on firm foundations.

Its all a question of your point of view

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:01:00 +0000

Is the glass is half full, or half empty?

From where I stand now, nothing is clear cut, absolute. Everything under the sun has good parts and less desirable parts. It is all a question of which side of the coin you choose to focus on.

And this is most applicable in the world of humans. We all have ideas, views, opinions, interests, strengths, weaknesses, physical characteristics that are similar to others, and just as long a list, if not longer, that make us different from others.

My sense is that when we are young and ambitious, we spend a lot of time an energy proving to others that we are better qualified, smarter, harder working than the next "guy", but as we age, somehow proving how much better we are feels more and more like a waste of time. Somehow it feels like there are more important dragons to slay.

My dreams, now, are focused on how we can all work from our common strengths to weave together our differences into a tapestry that will make work exciting, productive and fun for all of us. Work does not have to be ruthless and cut-throat. Work can be about providing goods and services for a fair price to people who need or want them. Work could be about enjoying the companionship of our colleagues, family and friends, and behaving in a way that lifts their spirits and lightens their burdens.

In design the process can be as important as the end product

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 23:02:00 +0000

When I began my quest to "level the playing field", and give every team member an equal voice, one of my first connections was Turid Horgan. Turid is a Norwegian architect, and when we first connected, she was a research associate at MIT. Turid had come to MIT on a Fulbright fellowship to explore and advance "process architecture". When Turid practiced in Norway, she used "process architecture" in her work. Her projects ranged from community planning to work space planning and she carefully designed a process that would engage all stakeholders. Stakeholer group interaction was focused on a series of staged design games.

Turid's host and collaborator at MIT was Don Schon, one of the more accomplished and most published among MIT's wide spectrum of internationally acclaimed faculty. During the later stages of his career, Schon observed and documented a number of creative processes, such as composing music. It was a synergistic match, a process designer and a highly respected process aficionado. Together, Horgan and Schon began to dissect, document and apply process architecture in a number of settings. Their work together is described in the book, "Excellence by Design, Transforming Work Places and Work Processes".

Fast forward four years. We have been testing and developing our ideas about optimizing team performance, and exploring a number of ways to fund our work. I presented our interest in optimizing team work to the National Science Foundation, and they put me in touch with Dr. Robert Knecht at Colorado School of Mines, who has completed some foundational work in team performance. Bob Knecht has measured team performance in his project-based freshman design studio for a number of years. The teams producing the highest quality projects are teams who are facile twelve skills, six project-based skills and six relationship-based or "process" skills. This link back to the design process felt as if I looped back to where I began, wiser and with a deeper foundation.

In Bob Knechts pilot projects, applications of each of the twelve skills were counted by team observers.

For people who are interested, the task functions Bob Knecht "counted" were initiating, information seeking, information giving, clarifying or elaborating, summarizing, and consensus testing. The six process skills are encouraging, harmonizing, modifying, gate keeping, expressing group feelings and evaluating.

Connecting with our bodies and the natural world

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:36:00 +0000

There are some "new" stereotypes emerging in song lyrics, advertising and prime time TV. (From my observation, often lead indicators of cultural shifts.) Women are talking about their desires, and how they desire men. Some of my favorite song lyrics, from the "hidden track" on Dido's Life for Rent album are, "The closer you get, the better I feel." There are car ads and coffee ads with women "lusting" for more. My recollection is that this trend was foreshadowed in the now famous "I'll have what she's having" scene in the movie "When Harry Met Sally".

In print imagery, women are being linked to nature and the natural world. Some hypothesize that women, because they bear children, have a stronger connection to the cycles of nature. I'm not sure this is true. I believe that there have been cultural pressures for men to appear to less connected to nature.

My hypothesis is that as man evolved, "thinking man" had a higher status than primal man. Kings, priests and scribes "ruled". Intellectuals (initially defined as people who could read and write) seemed to get more "perks", higher status, more money, attract more women.

For women, being an "smart" was not always viewed as an asset. We were supposed to look good and be good listeners. Our bodies, especially if they look good, were the source of our power. My mother mentored me in how to look, and act innocent and naive. The intention of this coaching was to ensure that I attracted an appropriate mate.

My theory is that for at least the last hundred years, or so, men have been competing to get smarter and smarter and richer and richer and women have been competing to get more and more beautiful (thinner, better hair, bigger breasts, fewer wrinkles, etc.). And our motives - the men's to get smarter and richer and the women to get thinner and prettier --have been the same. All of us just wanted to be admired, respected and loved.

Self-help books and magazine articles are trying to get us all to become closer to our "authentic selves". This quest to be authentic has resulted in men having the freedom be more nurturing and women to have the freedom to be more powerful. There are a lot more options for all of us now, and huge changes from the tight girdle of cultural expectations our parent's generation faced.

All of this rambling has been foreplay for my punchline. I am "playing" with the idea of procreation being a metaphor for co-creation. Could it be that men and women inspire each other to be at the top of their games? Could the "attraction factor" be one of the things that gets us out of bed in the morning?

A former boss told me the story of his mother living in a retirement community. Her social group was all women. And one day a single man, a widower, arrived. Everything changed. Women who had been wearing dowdy house-dresses began to dress in Sunday-best. The conversation became more stimulating. People brushed or inserted their teeth, combed their hair, cleaned their glasses. Everyone seemed more engaged.

One female engineer told me that she selected her area of engineering focus because she found her professor so inspiring. "I had such a crush on him", she admitted, after a second glass of wine. It was her love for him that inspired her intellectual pursuit and life-long vocation.

When I look deep into my past, it was my love and admiration for a high school English teacher that shaped my life. I have him to thank for my love of poetry, my understanding of symbolism and metaphor and my proficiency with written self expression. He said, at least once a week, "Make your advocation (meaning your passion) your vocation". This aspiration has become my mantra.

What are all of the phases and stages of attraction and procreation? Who actually pursues who?Some areas of gender interaction are well documented, other aspects barely understood. What attracts people to each other? What is love? Is love real, or is it only a "story"? What are the roles and impact of both parties in the extended courtship and child rearing process?

All of this is "food for thought" and more than I have time to write about today.

Shared Leadership

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 17:52:00 +0000

How many of us ever think about our "mental models" of leadership?

I have heard some people say, "To be a leader, you need followers." That seems to make sense on the surface, but does it make deep, sustainable sense. If one "leads by example", my intuition is that one follows one's heart and, some day, others will see the value of the leader's work.

In my mind's eye, I never pictured walking at the head of the pack. I always pictured walking arm-in-arm.

What do you picture?

What if everyone is a leader in her or his own unique area of expertise? That's what makes sense to me. If everyone is a leader, how can we keep track of everyone? Who is the "go to" person for our wants, needs and desires?

My best guess, today, is that every day is a blank canvas, and each day all any one of us can do is the best we can to engage others and be engaged ourselves. There so many learning opportunities and playful negotiations in front of us.

Just to admit that we don't know what to expect, and sense that it is sure to be an adventure, is a great place to begin.

Shared and flexible leadership might look like a field of wheat rippling under tender breezes, or white caps in the turquoise Mediterranian dancing in the sun light. I have imagined a room full of partner less dancing where you catch one person's eye and playfully dance, and then another pair of eyes and another.

We DO IT Better

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 15:19:00 +0000

Collaborate, that is. This past Saturday I participated in the annual planning retreat of the Boston Society of Architects, known within the Greater Boston design community as the BSA. We began the program by all ninety-something of us in attendance stating or names, BSA or building industry affiliation and what we are passionate about. I said I was was passionate about collaboration and I know that we (the design community) will lead the fireworks of co-creation because we DO IT better than anyone else. (This play on words is intentionally playful. Yes, in my opinion, healthy collaboration almost always involves some flirting. Letting people know they are desirable partners is one of the arts of working with others few people talk about.)

The "we do it better" sentiment seemed to resonate in the room. Pam McKinney, one of the opening speakers, even referred to my claim in her concluding remarks. We all know in our hearts that the design-and-building community excells at collaboration, yet if no one else - in the business, legal, financial and/or medical communities - seems to know and, if no one knows it, does it even matter?

The conversation advanced, as it always does, to note that we all (the design community) spend too much time talking to people like ourselves that, for the most part, agree with us. How do we let others understand what we do and the value we bring to all human endeavor and compenate us fairly to share our knowledge with them?

Time is Money

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:57:00 +0000

Many of us in the design community and beyond have heard "time is money" as one of the justifications for almost everything. Why to meet or not meet, come in early, stay late, the reasons others criticize our actions that appear to the observer to be a "waste of time".

I did not realize until I read George Lakoff's book Metaphors We Live By that "time is money" is a foundational metaphor. Evidently, according to Lakoff (a Professor of Linguistics at the University of California, Berkley) language, thought, and learning are "constructed" through a system of metaphors. The metaphor "time is money" is tied to our culture in the west, especially the United States. The "time is money" concept encompasses our cultural experiences with money, limited resources, and valuable commodities. There are cultures where time has little or no relationship to any of these things.

Could it be that, as we continue to strive for and obtain quicker and quicker ways of doing things, time, as it relates to work and our work lives, is no longer the limiting factor? If we continue to focus on doing things more quickly because "time is money", we may lose sight of the reasons behind our frantic pace to keep up with the demands of the clock, colleagues and employers.

As my friend and collaborator, Turid Horgen, once said "If it takes nine months to make a baby, can nine women make a baby in one month?" Some things just take time, and rushing and/or expediting is not going to speed up the process. Whatever happened to "patience is a virtue" and "Rome wasn't built in a day"?

So if "time is money" is an outdated metaphor, what metaphor can we use or create to replace it. My vote is for a metaphor I read in the novel On Beauty by Zadie Smith. Zadie's metaphor, which she attributes to her husband, is "time is the way we spend our love".

I am sure there are other metaphors for time. For me, the reason to "play" with metaphors is because the metaphors we use unconsciously may be limiting our life choices. Being conscious and intentional about using metaphors consistent with our values may help us and others create a future where people, family and relationships are fundamental to our future survival, health and well-being.

Collaboration?

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 17:06:00 +0000

Here we are, back at the beginning. After all, this blog is named "Collaboration Blog". My sense is that within the design community we "talk a good game". We all want to collaborate, and we speak of the benefits of collaboration. Yet, when you come right down to it, how many instances of collaboration have most of us experienced?

Most of us have had brief glimpses of collaborative activity. Reports are that it is stimulating, engaging and can feel like everyone is moving in slow motion when the ebb and flow of human interaction is working. How can we make these rare instances where everything is moving in sync more routine in our lives?

I am not claiming to be an expert. Yet, when I began this quest, over seven years ago now, I threw myself into the "collaboration game". I vowed to find a group of collaborative people, and work together to design the inclusive world that we all imagined would be possible to create.

In addition to passion to be collaborative and advance collaborative practices, I also had an intuitive sense that my value system, ethical foundation (what I felt was fair) and professional and personal aspirations were similar to those of other women. I also felt that my value system, ethical foundation and aspirations were somewhat difference from most of the men I know or have worked with, especially the "alpha men" who seem to be the people most likely to start and build successful businesses.

When I think of harmonious human endeavor, the barn raising, quilting bee and pot luck dinner come to mind. Do these projects share any common ground with our professional worklife? If they don't currently, could they?

One look says it all

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 17:06:00 +0000

He looked at me with daggers in his eyes.

He wouldn't look me in the eye. (I knew something is wrong.)

I could see it all over her face.

The look of love.

All the expressions that we read every day. And many times we know the facial expressions are saying something different from the message the face and body is saying. How many times have we heard "Nothing is wrong" and known that the words were covering something deeply wrong. My intuitive sense is that when we don't trust people, it is because their facial and body-language messages are somehow out of alignment with the words coming out of their mouths.

My intuitive sense is that those of us who are slower to speak (often designers and others who are less "verbally aggressive") in a meeting or in a crowded room have a better than average ability to "read" all of the communication that the faces and bodies are "speaking". Sometimes we can "see" more objectively than the people actively engaged in dialogue. (We aren't worrying about sounding smart or what to say next.)

In the last ten years or so there has been more in the business press about emotional intelligence, social intelligence and, recently, cultural intelligence. It's funny how giving something a name and writing a book about it makes it "real". Many of us, especially intuitive and creative people, have been reading and listening to the "silent language" of facial expression and body posture.

One of the reasons I created this blog was to create language about the processes of collaboration and design. How the process begins, what types of things inspire us to collaborate and design, why do we stop collaborating, or designing, lose confidence in our ability to design, or lose the desire to collaborate, how it feels to collaborate and design, and how it feels to witness and view our creations.

My sense is that there is so much that is very important that remains unsaid.

Valentine's Day Reflection

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 19:44:00 +0000

This past February 14th (2007) was our wedding anniversary. Bruce Conklin and I have been married now for thirty-one years. Bruce is a civil engineer. I studied business and have a passion for communication and marketing. Bruce and I are two very different people, and we both truly, madly, deeply admire and celebrate the strengths of each other. We both know the quality of our lives would be greatly diminished without the companionship and support we have come to count on. In some ways, it is difficult to remember what life was like before we were together.

More than ten years ago I entered a speech contest organized by Toastmasters International. My speech, titled “Love Makes Us More Than We Are”, had a theme that resonated, and with this speech I advanced through three rounds of competition. This was surprising because for at least twenty years I had struggled with public speaking, and had taken more classes than I can count, trying to overcome my paralyzing fear which made my voice shake and crack, my breathing stop and my knees tremble. In the speech I told three stories about doubting the importance or viability of my aspirations and having Bruce’s confidence in me make the self-doubt disappear. Bruce’s love and the way he shows it are very different from the love of my parents. My father was over protective and his openly voiced fretting and concern dampened my joy every time I stretched my wings. My mother’s attachment was close to claustrophobic. Over the fifty years of our interaction, every time we parted company, she was close to tears. My parent’s love sometimes felt like being trapped in molasses. Bruce’s love makes me feel lighter than air.

My aspiration is to make the supportive partnership that I have experienced being married to Bruce an accessible option for all relationships. My sense is that it is grounded in self-confidence, trust and mutual respect. And maybe even more importantly a sense of fun and perspective to see any bump in the road as an opportunity to connect with how lucky we are to have each other and our life together.

For the last six years, Bruce has been patiently observing me reading, thinking, planning how to make the work experience more experientially rewarding and emotionally satisfying. Childless by choice, I nurtured many bosses and co-workers with a protective passion many would claim is only appropriate for family. And in my child-like innocence, did not, do not, understand why almost everyone can’t be a member of my family…at least my extended family.

Love is in the air

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 20:44:00 +0000

Today marks 31 years of wedded partnership with my dear husband Bruce. He is an environmental engineer, and I am a business woman with a passion for communication and connection. At least half of everything I am is Bruce, and being connected to Bruce grounds my aspirations in the practical reality of getting things done in the real world. In an exercise when we were both asked to describe each other using one word, I said he is "home", and he said I am "life". When I asked him what "life" meant to him as it relates to me, he said "life is everything outside and beyond the routine". The two of us are a very well integrated whole. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses, celebrating the strengths and "framing" the weaknesses in the most productive light. We complement each other in almost every way imaginable. I am confident that I would be flailing away in outdated existing paradigms- rather than grounding the design of a workable future - if I had remained single or married another man. His belief and confidence in me fuels my belief in myself.

This brings me back to love. Our Norwegian collaborator, Turid Horgen, once said "It takes seven years to adopt a new idea. And then there is falling in love."

My sense is that seeing the value and collective benefit in uniting to advance our shared commitment...all of us, not just Bruce's and mine.... to collaboration and creating an expanding community of mutual respect and shared values is "like falling in love". It is and will continue to be sudden, compelling and irresistible. It is a softness, hunger and flutter that we have always felt in our hearts, yet were afraid to admit for fear of looking weak, foolish or naive. Living life according to one's own innate, heartfelt core values of caring for our families, our collective physical and emotional health and our relationships, instead of chasing power in its many forms, can be the cultural norm we share when we agree to change the "rules" about what individuals value, and what our organizations, our communities, our governments and our leaders value, together.

And, I am not a "dreamer". I have experienced the joy of connection, shared values and teamwork many times. The emotional high of shared purpose is adictive, and I am hungry for more.

Piloting Our Way Through the Fog

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 15:56:00 +0000

In January our Center Core Team held a community meeting which included most members of our Management Team (what most organizations call a Board) and some other interested supporters. We asked them to "build" the next step for us and our work.

There was universal agreement that we need to leave the safety of conversations and white papers about our theories and try out our ideas in real time. The time for talking had come to an end.

We are now in conversation with four organizations that hold the potential of being members of our Pilot Process and evolving with them from the stage of interest to commitment feels like swimming in partially chilled jello. We are moving forward in such slow motion. I want to push and pull. I definitely do not want to wait. Maybe it is a bit like giving birth. Being childless, I have no idea, but I sense it may be a little like this. This feeling of anticipation and knowing that there is an exciting future in front of us, working together to grow and learn together, to, hand-in-hand help each other and, in the process, help everyone else.

This blog will record the unfolding of our open-hearted approach to work and the flowering of our ideas.

Building Culture

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Tue, 30 May 2006 15:31:00 +0000

It is hard to believe Memorial Day has just passed, and last January I had the intention of blogging twice per week. Where does the time go?

What I do know is that the pace of our work and of our ideas is accelerating so I need to get in a routine of sharing our work with the world. Today, I will schedule blogging time in my Palm Pilot. Good intentions are just not enough to inspire sustainable change in the world.

My partner Vicky Sirianni and I just completed an article that will appear in the June edition of Women's Business. Our article is about creating Ground Rules as a foundation for productive and inclusive meetings. Yes, if we are to design and build a new culture, it is best to begin at ground level and, gradually, brick by brick, create an inclusive, empowering cultural structure that will work for everyone!

Together, Vicky and I have over sixty years of experience in the building industry. We consider ourselves experts in the culture of building. By sharing our lessons learned we can empower all of you to begin building a culture that works for you and everyone else on your team. This is our common sense approach to appropriate business behavior and business ethics. It just does not make sense to keep our blinders on any longer.

Design Wisdom

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 02:53:00 +0000

In November 2005, the Center for Balance by Design facilitated a panel at a BuildBoston workshop titled Gender Synergy and Teamwork. This program consolidated some interesting reflections on the design process. The panel was composed of Frances Bronet, the female Dean of Architecture at the University of Oregon, Bob Knecht, Ph.D., Professor of Engineering Design at Colorado School of Mines, and Sumru Erkut, Ph.D., a social scientist and Associate Director of the Wellesley Centers for Women. There was agreement among our panelists and program attendees of the following:

 Design follows power (contrary to the popular belief that form follows function)..
 An unexamined design repeats itself.
 The design process, and the systems, structures and artifacts designed, can equalize power.

The capacity to envision and create processes, systems, structures and artifacts that equalize power has profound implications for design education, design leadership and the future of teamwork. My hypothesis, based on my research and observations of gender-specific strengths, is that men and women have varying approaches, preferences and capacities to inspire, own, share and transfer power. When structures supporting an equitable power distribution (versus traditional power-advantage structures) are clarified and made visible to all, most people will support the more equitable structure.

This is a lot to think about. If we could equalize the power equation, everyone could be free express thoughts, feelings and wisdom.

Our Center Elevator Speech

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 19:32:00 +0000

If you have ever read a book or attended a seminar about networking (the social kind) or marketing, rule number on is that everyone needs an elevator speech. This speech assumes that most people have an attention span of five seconds or less so when you are asked what you do, or what your business does, you can provide a quick response that is clear and interesting enough for people to want to learn more.

I am trained in marketing communications, and have been both a marketing and public relations consultant so you can imagine my embarrassment and frustration to not have an elevator speech! At one point in the early stages of Center for Balance by Design, we had a strategic planning meeting and one of the big questions was "What if we do not figure out what IT is?" (IT being what the Center does.) I kept saying IT was about creating an inclusive work culture...and people would just glaze over. The word "culture" obviously meant more to me than to most others because I have gotten a lot of blank stares.

A couple of weeks it just came to me. I was at a networking (the social kind) event in western Massachusetts. It was a program to attract engineers to ACEC (American Consulting Engineers Council) of Massachusetts. I am a member of the ACEC membership committee. I had a name tag on with my name and "Center for Balance by Design". One of the engineers came up to me and asked "What does Center for Balance by Design do?" I said (effortlessly, like rolling off a log) "We create structures to optimize teamwork." He said, "I completely understand. You hold forums for engineers to help them find common ground and communicate. We really need help in this area." I was speechless. He completely understood the essence of our work based on my one short sentence. I tried it out with some other people, and everyone liked it. Some people added their own emphasis because "structure" has many levels of meaning. For example, one architect thought I was speaking about physical space or objects, like the shape of a room or shape of a table...and our work includes physical space and a number of other "structures" like work processes, compensation systems and organizational structures (to name just a few). As our meaning of "structure" is broad and inclusive, everyone's interpretation is correct.

The Empowering Instinct

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Wed, 05 Oct 2005 12:13:00 +0000

I keep pledging to blog more often. Tonight I am co-leading a program at the OD Learning network. This may drum up some more traffic visiting collaboration blog, and I do not want first-time visitors to think that my blog is out of date.

I do lots of pondering and reflecting and for some reason think that I need to have it all figured out before I write it down when, if fact, the act of writing IT down is what brings IT into focus. Sometimes my typing fingers seem to know more than my mind knows.

More and more I am feeling clear about the "empowering instinct" being a primal human behavior. I first became aware of the behavior through my husband of thirty years, Bruce Conklin. Fifteen years ago, when I was in Toastmasters, I decided to enter a speech contest and actually won the first two rounds of competition. The title of my speech was "Love Makes You More Than You Are", and that is how Bruce has been in my life. Whenever I have felt that something was going to be too big, too hard, take too much time away from him and our home, Bruce has been the one who supported me all the way, the one who took the tentative words I spoke..."should I?, could I?" and turned them into an action plan and started clearing the path for me to move forward. Just to give you one example: Early in our marriage, when we returned from two years away from the U.S. working on environmental engineering projects in the Philippines and Egypt, I decided that I needed to do something about my career. At the time I was a technical writer. I was bored and, in my opinion, not paid enough. After a year of reading the help-wanted ads, I decided that all the good jobs said MBA preferred on required. I said, "Bruce, I was an English major. Do you think I could do this? Should I apply to school?" It was late spring. The only GMATs(the entrance exam most B schools use) within the next six months were the following weekend. I was not pre-registered and we were scheduled to leave our Boston home and spend the weekend with Bruce's parents in Long Island. Bruce researched the Long Island test centers, found the one closest to his parents home, and spent all of Saturday driving me there, and waiting for me to finish the exam. This is just one example. There are hundreds.

In the business arena, my sense is that women demonstrate the "empowering instinct" more routinely than men. My intuition about this is that women are not kindler, gentler nor more compassionate than men. Let's just hypothesize that many women hold the stereotype of men as "protectors and providers". My experience of feeling the need to "empower" in the workplace is that "empowering" is the best way to protect my own job and the welfare of my team and organization. Most times I feel I have nothing special to offer other than the ability to see talent and focus it. When my work team is threatened, my "gut" reaction is to do anything to keep us together, to keep us whole. For example, if our workload is down and we need more work, my immediate reaction is to go around and boost everyone's morale and self-confidence and get them on the phone calling past clients and setting up meetings. I "empower" them to help themselves and me (they are so big and strong, after all).

I need to leave for work now. There is much to do before I sleep. I promise to write more soon and would love this monologue to become a dialogue with the world.

Two responses to power

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Sun, 29 May 2005 22:05:00 +0000

I am a member of the Zoo New England Advisory Council. The reason I am committed to supporting Zoo New England and other zoos because I love animals and have spent some of the happiest days of my life walking though zoos with my husband, Bruce. Zoos are wonderful parks, a great place for families to learn together, and a destination that transcends class. People of all ages and economic levels can enjoy and learn from observing animals.

Friday afternoon, May 27, I toured Franklin Park Zoo with John Linehan, Zoo New England president, and three other Advisory Council members. The purpose of our zoo "walkabout" was to enhance team spirit among Advisory Council members and to identify projects we could adopt or transform.

As we passed an exhibit of a family (mother, father and baby) of large apes, John Linehan commented that the male member of this family usually exhibits aggressive behavior when he sees John. I was curious to learn more details. John's theory was that the family's "father" is an Alpha male and he can tell that John, as senior executive of the zoo, is also an Alpha male. I asked how he could know this, and John said he assumed that it must have something to do with body language.

At this point, Sari, one of the other Advisory Council members said to John "I'll never forget the day we were touring the zoo, and the female ape acted so seductively towards you".

It was one of those light-bulb-going-off, "aha" glimpses of insight. Could it be that at a core, primal, subliminal level, one male instinctive response to male power- Alpha males - is aggression and one female response to Alpha males is seduction? If this hypothesis is true, is it possible that "civilized" men and women exhibit these aggressive and seductive responses in very subtle ways, through body language, eye contact or eye pupil dilation or changes in body odor?

If there is any validity these gender-specific-response-to-power theory, aggression maintains the power and independence of the bigger, stronger male, and seductive behavior potentially creates an opening or invitation for two to continue exploring connection.

Newsweek Article

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Fri, 06 May 2005 19:32:00 +0000

I am a relatively new blogger and when I attempted to insert the link to the Newsweek article that summarizes gender differences, I failed. The article, The More Social Sex, is worth reading and references several books and studies.

I immediately ordered The Essential Difference, the Truth About the Male and Female Brain, and hungrily read every word.

It all made sense to me. The book described gender differences that could be observed in infants one week old. Babies of both genders were shown inanimate "mechanical" objects and human faces. The male babies stared for more seconds at the inanimate objects and the female babies stared for more seconds at the the human faces. The book does go on to interpolate that these preferences make men better at systems thinking and women better at nurturing professions. As I have always been good at math, I did not think the "human-focused" preference of females makes them less able to work in science or math. To me, it suggested that the interest and focus of the female brain is linked to the context of the intellectual inquiry: how the problem is "framed". For example, I was told that the engineering program at Cornell University offered a course "How to Design a Race Car". Year after year one or two women at most enrolled in this course. Then, using the same course material, the course was renamed "How to Design a Vehicle that Helps the Handicapped". The renamed course became gender balanced, attracting over fifty percent female students. For me (and I hypothesize many other women), it is all about context. I believe I can solve any problem. The question is, which problems are worth my time and energy. For me the important problems are the ones that have direct impact on how people feel.

I felt so validated to have a book that confirmed some of my feelings until I attended a program at the Radcliffe Institute for Advanced Study at Harvard University. This panel of women scientists discussed Impediments to Change: Revisiting the Women in Science Question. These women tore to shreds the book I felt has so validated my feelings. The sample was too small, the observer had known the sex of the babies being tested. The list of scientific impropriety went on and on.

Promise for the future

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Fri, 06 May 2005 18:56:00 +0000

Teamwork is my passion. I believe we can do it better if we do it together. I, Donna Denio, promise by 2020 a world celebrating teamwork as a way of life.

Communication, connection and community

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Mon, 02 May 2005 02:41:00 +0000

Are women the more social sex?

A year ago this month (May 2004) my friend Jo-Ann Marzullo forwarded an article she read in Newsweek. It was from a special issue focused on women in honor of Mother's Day. According to the article, "Human and primate studies suggest that friendship does for females what status does for males-that it enhances their own sense of well-being while improving their children's prospects for survival."

The article goes on to describe studies of baboons and human mothers. For humans and animals alike, mothers with the most social connections had higher birth-weight babies.

Is it possible that women feel and relate to social status differently than men? My own experience is that for me, and maybe other women's, social status is flexible. Depending on who you date and marry, your social status can change dramatically.

I remember being the envy of my entire high school gym class when my boyfriend drove up beside our field hockey game in his new ice blue Corvette Stingray. Six months later, he was history and so was my new found fame.

Women's wealth and social connections do not seem to be as important to men when choosing a mate as physical beauty. In some instances, status actually feels like it makes women less desirable.

Gender Synergy and Teamwork

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 22:54:00 +0000

One sense that I have had about collaboration is that gender balanced teams have advantages that are not usually present in same sex teams. For some reason both genders seem to be on their best behavior when the opposite gender is present. Could it be that males and females have complementary strengths? That they actually inspire the best in each other?

I know it seems to be politically incorrect to suggest that males and females are different, have different strengths and capacities in the way they work. As a woman with thirty years of work experience, I feel that I have invested an inordinate amount of energy in proving that I can do anything my male colleagues can do. Don't get me wrong. I have had many wonderful male mentors who have taught me the "rules of the game". They taught me, for example, to always show my "game face" (or mask) in meetings so people will not know I am worried or concerned. These business "truths" have not felt true to me. I have discussed them with some of my friends and many agree.

Recently I have begun to collaborate with Robert (Bob) Knecht, a professor of design at Colorado School of Mines. Professor Knecht has pioneered a number of training interventions to help teams of freshman engineers learn effective team behavior. In his design classes, organized in work teams, the mixed gender teams consistently outperform the same sex teams.

Bob Knecht will be coming to Boston in November to join me in a panel that will discuss how gender composition impacts team performance.

Laura's invitation

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Mon, 20 Dec 2004 21:10:00 +0000

The next session for the follow-up to the BuildBoston Session on Leaderful Practice and Collaboration will be at HMFH Architects, 130 Bishop Allen Drive in Cambridge on January 19th from 3:30-5:30.
For those who missed the last session at the Boston Consortium on the 8th, I will attempt to give a very brief summary. We talked at some length about building a leaderful practice within the construction industry and the usual personal pitfalls that create barriers to full collaboration and buy-in of all players. We talked about building a corporate vision around collaboration and the positive impact that can have on a project. At one point the conversation became more of a dialogue rather than a full discussion and we shifted to having a discussion about how to insure a collaborative discussion about collaboration. Everyone follow that?
Ultimately we decided that there is value in continuing the discussion of leaderful practice in the design and construction industry. We also decided to take turns hosting the event with the host setting the agenda for the next meeting. I have a couple iof ideas I would like to pursue. My thoughts were stimulated by Joe Raelin's comments on design practice. He indicated that service industry organizations (this means architects, contractors and engineers) have great difficulty moving away from hierarchical and authoritarian organizational structures and are rarely successful at it. I can think of all kind of reasons why this is true, but I am interested in discussing if it has to be true. Therefore one topic for the January meeting will be: Can there be a successful design focused organization that is leaderful and collaborative and that helps build beautiful buildings on time and on budget?
A second and related topic is: What can we as a group do to stimulate greater collaboration within the construction industry?
Please RSVP and let me know whether or not you will be able to attend. I look forward to continuing the discussion.
Laura

Laura Wernick, AIA, REFP
HMFH Architects, Inc
130 Bishop Allen Drive
Cambridge, MA 02139
617-492-2200
617-876-9775 (f)

Keeping promises

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Sun, 19 Dec 2004 22:01:00 +0000

Last week I promised my blog mentor, Judy Hourihan, that I would blog on Friday. Friday was the day before yesterday and I now I am two days late. To honor my promise to Judy, I need to break my promise to my husband. I promised my husband that I would work on updating our Christmas card list as soon as I finished ordering my father's Christmas gift to his nurse. Instead, I am "cheating" by catching up on Friday's broken promises. Constant catch-up results in a chonic sense of guilt, of not living up to the world's expectations.

I so much want to please people and do what will make them happy, that I am almost always "over promising". My dreams of what I will (or want to) accomplish almost always exceed what I am able to accomplish. Should I sleep less? Should I promise less? Judy, I had the intention of keeping my word when I promised. I will reflect on "designing" a New Year's resolution that will support by actions being more consistent with my promises. (Maybe I need to work on just saying "no" more often?)

My plan for this blog is that several of my collaborators that are part of the Center for Balance by Design will reflect on my reflections. Together, we will attempt to develop co-creative, generative dialogue. I am a novice at generative dialogue. All I know so far is that generative dialogue is dialogue that stimulates thinking and response. My sense is that it is interesting, challenging and thought provoking. It encourage us to add our own "two cents". It makes us feel bigger rather than smaller. It makes us feel glad to be "one" with the human condition. Any other ideas about generative dialogue?

Beginning in the Middle

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Denio) — Mon, 01 Nov 2004 12:00:00 +0000

I have a commitment to blog twice a week. Two weeks from tomorrow, our team has a "public" event. We are participating in a conference named "BuildBoston"http://buildboston.com. This conference is celebrating its twenty year anniversary this year. I believe I have attended all twenty, and been part of a program in at least five.

BuildBoston is a conference attracting the design and construction communities. These are communities where I have spent the entire 30+ years of my professional life. During these thirty years, I have always had, in the back of my mind, one unanswered question: "What could change so that people like me could feel like "insiders" instead of "outsiders". And this always relates to a second question: "Who is on the "inside", who is on the "outside" and why?"

Our community looked a lot different 30 years ago. Almost every office contained a lot of white men in white shirts and dark pants and ties. The engineers and contractors usually wore traditional ties and the architects wore bow ties. Other than the tie distinction, and some variations in cut and quality of clothes and shoes, everyone "looked" the same.